Welp...herpes.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
