moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
It was confusing and full of hummus
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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