I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
