i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize
