He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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