You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I looked at my own cervix.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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