Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize