I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
