I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
