Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
