Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Please, let me fuck your mom
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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