An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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