i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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