you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
