It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
