I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Randomize
