If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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