He kissed a someone with a penis
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
