i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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