Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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