She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
