i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
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