Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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