Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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