Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
