HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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