I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
