Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
