Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
