I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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