You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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