Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Randomize