I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
My vagina just recognized that song.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
