I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
not ubering you a puppy
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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