I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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