i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
