i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
