Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
this beer tastes like vomit already
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
3 2 1 whiskey
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
