I wish life had little blips of pornography
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
