She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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