I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
one might say we're banned from that church
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just invented taco cereal.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
