p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
