you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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