in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
