dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Randomize
