Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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