she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Randomize
