New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
