just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
