He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
