i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
