Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
