Sponge bath it is.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
