Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
