I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
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