i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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