There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
