I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
