I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Just puked most of my soul out..
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize