I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
