Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
