Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
