did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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