Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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