i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
God gave him joint rollers for hands
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
