planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
