im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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