Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
