can we get nightvision for the apartment?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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