I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize