Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
