i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
