I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Randomize
