You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I could make wine with my vomit
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Found the puke drawer
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
