dude i'm inner monologue high
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
