i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
