I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
