what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
