whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
